I seem to do a lot of writing in this class, as it is rather akin to sensory deprivation, or being cloistered, or something. Sensory deprivation--aside from being a kick-ass song--is a concept that alternately fascinates me and freaks me out. I read a book in grade ten (by Dean Koontz...hey, I was in grade ten) where sensory deprivation was being used as a gateway to the supernatural. The book wasn't really all that good, but it got me interested in sensory dep and I still don't know what to think of it. A very scary thing, at least to my mind. Because that's what it is, you know. Your mind, in the grand canyon of subconsciousness and picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies...

Okay, now I've probably scared you, but that's peripheral, entirely. Talking about sensory deprivation makes me feel like I'm living in the Beatles' A Day In the Life: "he blew his mind out in a car...he didn't notice that the lights had changed..." I'm not even entirely sure why it scares me so much to think of being locked away with nothing but your mind to depend on...nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel, nothing to fear. Or is there? What evils lurk inside my subconscious? A shadow of myself, with kaleidoscope eyes...my heart of darkness. The horror, the horror. All my secret truths I'm afraid to speak, even to myself. It's like you don't even exist, but in the same moment you are everything that exists.

and this is what co-op class does to me. It's like this, you see, because it's the whole afternoon, locked up in a tiny portable on the fringes of the school property, and there is no escape...there are no friendly faces...and you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave, except for the ten minute break between the two periods. And sometimes you wonder if you're going crazy, and sometimes you wonder if you'll live. Your mind is numb, your heart is heavy and you can barely...stay....awake...

and sometimes you don't know if you can handle it anymore